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Post by Dorcas on Apr 13, 2015 5:59:37 GMT -8
Thread will consist of journal entries from Hanners' PoV and potentially mildly amusing narration of various events in her life (or death).
{Please look forward to it.}
-- Dorcas ♥
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Post by Dorcas on Apr 26, 2015 20:08:49 GMT -8
First Session RecapDear Diary, Yesterday I went to follow up on the funny picture card I found in my armor, and man was that a good idea or what? There was a fortune telling lady there, and she knew where and when to find Gaedren Lamm! Finally! I couldn’t even think, I was so ready to just march in tear his head off, but for some reason the other guys she summoned there wanted to wait a day. I would have just gone marching off by myself, but I guess it wouldn’t have been fair to the others. The varisian girl, Eli Eorliea Scarf Girl, just got the most steely, haunted look on her face when we were talking about Lamm. I guess I wasn’t the only one with a score to settle. We got to the dockhouse and Eorl Eorzea Scarf Girl went and snuck in but I think she like stepped on a branch, or five branches, because the next thing we knew, she came bounding back out and waving her arms like something went wrong. So I did the only thing that made sense and marched in and sliced a gnome in half. I’m pretty sure I did that because I saw that he was whipping some orphan kids into making dumplings, and while I do LOVE dumplings, whipping orphan kids is bad. So I cut him in half. In front of the kids. I mean it can’t be that bad, Elorezania Scarf Girl cut the gnome’s dog in half with ... her scarf. In front of the kids. They didn’t like panic or anything, because I’m pretty sure they put dog in the dumplings along with the fish guts. It’s probably what gives it that nice zing. There was some kind of wizardy dude with a wand, but I guess he wasn’t that great at being a wizard because he messed up whatever he was trying to do with the wand. Instead, he came running into the room and then someone killed him pretty much immediately. We explored a bit and the cleric ended up opening a door and startling this kid into the vat of tasty dumpling filling, which isn’t good because kids don’t belong in dumplings.  But he didn’t seem to know what to do so I tapped him on the shoulder so I could get in, and I hauled the kid out of the fish guts and then threw him down the entire hallway we came from. It’s okay because kids are pretty durable. Then we jumped in and killed the half orc that was also whipping the orphan kids. We also found out that the elf’s kid died, and that was very sad.  Then we ended up exploring the dockhouse some more but we didn’t really find that much upstairs. I really had to pee because I was holding it in all morning, so I found the gnome’s clothes from earlier and peed on them. In retrospect I should probably have checked them for valuables first, but oh well. I went back around the building on the outside with one of the guys to see if we could get downstairs that way. I ended up trying to swim to the walkway under the building, but then a shark came, so I cut it in half. It bit me though, which hurt a bit. When we finally got inside the lower level, guess who was waiting for us? That’s right, Gaedren fucking Lamm. We all kind of just broke for it and threw everything we had at him, but then this big alligator thing came out and ate the elf. Actually I think it bit the elf’s hair, and you know how elves are with their hair, it pretty much knocked him unconscious. So I cut the alligator in half. Well, I tried, anyway. It fell back into the water bleeding and it didn’t come back up. Errolia Areola Scarf Girl got to Lamm first, and by the time I reached him, she was putting an end to his filthy existence. I watched the light go out of his eyes, and let the satisfaction wash through me from the roots of my hair down to the ends of my toes. Then I saw the alligator still underwater so I chucked my earthbreaker at it and crushed its skull.  We got some sweet loots, and a brooch that matches exactly the description I heard some guards talking about back when the Queen’s brooch was stolen. So that’s probably interesting. We also found a boat outside that was filled with spiders, so I got to cut up a bunch of spiders too. Then, out of the shadows came the fortune telling girl from earlier. Except... she was dead. And has been dead this whole time? And her soul is preserved in the cards that we were given? Man, I am way too exhausted for this. I’m gonna go and take a walk outside on the dock. After all, Master Kubric always said: "Fresh air and a clear head are a Demon’s worst nightmare!"
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Post by Dorcas on May 7, 2015 7:12:00 GMT -8
Dear Diary, What a day I’ve had. After I stumbled out of Lamm’s pier, I slipped and fell facedown in the sand. It tasted very sandy. Then, some random guard pulled me out, and he was suuuuper drunk and kept calling me Neffi. He seemed really down in the dumps though, so I pretended to be Neffi and went to get shitfaced with him! His name was Grau and he turned out to be a really good dude. He told me a bunch of interesting things about his past -- he was trained by Vencarlo Orsini! I’ve heard that guy is like one of the best duelists in the world, and I’d love to go be terrified to go toe to toe with him sometime. We woke up in a barn surrounded by a bunch of fuzzy things, but before I could eat any of them, an old woman barged in and started yelling at us about her pigs! As if I had already turned them into bacon! That's not fair, I hadn't eaten anything all morning and I was starving. Anyway we ran away and Grau had to go to work, but luckily I found my .... Teammates? Again? Are we a team? Do we have a name? Maybe we should call ourselves like, The Avengers. But I dunno if that'd make any sense, what would we be avenging..?  They seemed to be having a lot of trouble so I stuck around and hit things really hard with my sword. They found this new member... but no one seems to realize that she's undead. Or part undead. I guess it's easier for me since I was trained to it, but I thought maybe the cleric would have done something really prejudiced and like... killed her or something. She seems harmless though, kinda quiet and kind of a klutz sometimes, but it's funny. Well it's funny to me, I think the others are just happy to have a cleric around when she starts tossing those explody jars around. We got to the city center eventually but I really wasn't paying much attention beyond the reach of my sword. After meeting the dhampir (Sera?) I was kinda reminiscing about home. I wonder if I'll ever find a way back. Probably not at this rate ... Umm we took the elf home to meet his wife and tell her the sad news, met the queen, got some phat booty. Oh and Grau's crush, Sabina was there! What a pretty name, it's almost like Sabine in Old Tore Common. She's like the queen's guard/handmaiden now. She's kinda pretty and vely stronk and she swings my way, according to Grau  . But uh.... I guess Sera didn't leave her boot knife at the gate so Sabina booted her down the stairs, and that wasn't very nice even if it was her job. We had to heal Sera afterwards and I felt kinda bad. Anyway we got paid and now we're off to some guard... citadel thingy. I'll stick around for a while because I'm glad we're getting compensated pretty well for all these jobs. After all, as Master Kubrick always said, a well-funded party is a demon's worst nightmare! |
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Post by Dorcas on May 15, 2015 21:46:26 GMT -8
Dear Diary, Today was pretty tiring but we finished another job and got paid! So that's good. The Field Marshal at the citadel asked us to apprehend this one guard officer who hates the queen. He was holed up in a butchers shop to distribute meat to the common people since he thought the queen wasn't helping them enough. I mean, I kinda get it, but he was causing a lot of dissension and absence in the guard, and they really need the opposite right now. Also he and his men were really dickish when we inquired politely at the front desk, so we went around the back and started to smash faces. And it gets nice and rage-fuzzy after that, just letting myself loose in it was pure ecstasy. I ended up finishing the fight by smashing a boar with my hammer so hard it exploded into red mist.  After that, Sera was ahead of the game, already tying up our captive above some boiling water to scare the shit out of him to make him talk. But for some reason no one wanted to question the guy and wanted to take him straight back to the citadel. Man I will never understand these Korvosan dudes, you would think that they thought Sera wanted to kill the captive, when it was obviously a Relan-style interrogation? Ah whatever. We took him back and got our cash. You'll never believe this, but when we got back, guess who was waiting for us? Vencarlo Orsini himself! We got to talk a bit about Grau and I'm really glad they made up. The Field Marshall has some kind of politicky job for us next but I'm too tired to puzzle it out. Luckily, Vencarlo invited us to his academy to rest for the night. He so nice I gotta get back to studying more though. The past few days have been really busy -- not that I'm complaining, of course! But I need to start studying Infernal since all I did as a squire was dick around in Abyssal since it's easier. Good thing I still have all my notes. I'll see if there's time to pull it out tonight. After all, Infernal insults are a demon's worst nightmare, hah! |
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Post by Dorcas on May 17, 2015 18:47:39 GMT -8
To Teach A Barbarian
(Miles & Eyri collab)
As the party rested late at night in Vencarlo's Academy, Hannelore found herself in a corner lavatory, doubled over by the graces of a VERY upset stomach.
"URghhhh... I'm never eating that raw ever again..."
She held a sheaf of paper loosely in her hand. With all the hullabaloo around Lamm and her new employment opportunity, she had had no personal time at all in the past few days. However, her bundle of notes now dangled forgotten from her fingertips as she slumped over, conceding defeat to her infuriated bowels.
Trying to re-learn any of the Infernal language was pretty much impossible anyway without a tutor, so late night toilet sessions probably weren't the answer.
Shouldn't have slacked off so much as a squire.
As she reached for the roll of sandpaper on the door, it suddenly swung wide open to reveal a slightly bewildered dhampir girl.
"GAH!"
In surprise, Hannelore let go of the papers she had been holding, and the door slammed back shut in a sudden blizzard of college-ruled loose leaf parchment.
"S-sorry!" came the gasp from behind the door, and some shuffling. "I’ll pick them all back up! Just a sec!"
"Could you knock!?"
"Yes, sorry! Couldn't you lock it though?"
"There is no lock!"
"Really? It’s not just broken?"
"Buh."
"Huh?"
"Sorry, stomach cramp."
"... Ew." An even longer pause. "H...hey..."
"Wh-what?" Why is she still here? Why is she talking to me? I’m trying to poop dammit.
"Why ... why did you order a pizza from the fifth circle of Hell?"
Pizza...? What is she -- my papers? She’s reading my papers? She can read--
Hannelore kicked the door back open so hard it slammed against the wall.
BANG.
"AAAH!"
The terrified dhampir stood in a slowly circling tornado of notes.
"You can read Infernal!?"
Closing her eyes, Sera Winter forced the door back shut with both hands.
SLAM
"I’m fluent!"
BANG.
"Teach me!"
SLAM
"Wh-- Why do you keep opening the door?
BANG.
"I’ll pay you! What does this one say!?"
SLAM
"It’s just a receipt for pizza delivery from Mabraxis' House of Hellish Pies-- will you please just wipe your butt before talking to me?"
BANG.
"I CAN’T, THERE’S ONLY SANDPAPER IN HERE."
Having awoken a bit earlier than their compatriots, Hannelore and Sera set to work on their new arrangement. However, the lessons seemed to be off to a slow start.
"No, ok repeat after me: ::please tutor me in Infernal:::"
"...::please t...tu...two-door cabriolet with optional leather trim::"
"What? That wasn't even close!"
"Heh, sorry, my pronunciation is beyond rusty because mostly all I've been doing is reading and writing. What did I end up saying?"
"I... don't even know," said Sera, massaging her temples. "Sounded like nonsense because your pronunciation is so off. We're gonna have to start from the basics of the basics."
She gazed thoughtfully at Hannelore.
"Why do you even need to learn Infernal? I haven't even met anyone in this city that speaks it."
"Ah... That's kind of a long story but I guess we have time," said the redhead, leaning against one of the many bookshelves in Vencarlo's personal library.
"I used to be a squire to a Grey Knight, my master in the family business."
"Ah, that inhuman-things-killing-group?"
"Yes, the inhuman-things-killing-group," said Hannelore as she rolled her eyes. "Not dhampirs unless they succumbed to their dark side. Vampires sometimes. Necromancers sometimes. Devils and demons were the 'big' prey."
Sera drew back momentarily at the mention of dhampirs, "D-d-don’t worry! I haven’t done a-anything like that in a-- EVER!"
Grinning slightly, Hannelore playfully hitched her collar up higher and continued. "Most of the time though, we went after humans and other Commonfolk that dealt with demons and devils, because inevitably they would end up hurting lots of innocent people.
"But yeah, we all studied at least Abyssal or Infernal, or both, if you were really smart. 'Know thine enemy' or something, you know? We used to get in trouble for it, too. The Paladins at court couldn't stand us at all. But that's why we're Grey and not White."
"So the crest you flash all the time..?"
"My master's side of the family" said Hannelore, smiling fondly at the memory. "My side has a different one, but I couldn't bring myself to change it on his armor."
"Ah.... ::armor::"
"Huh?"
" 'Armor' in Infernal. ::armor::"
"::a-armrest::"
"Uh... Close? And what's this thing you wear that you're always fiddling with?" The dhampir reached out and prodded one of the straps on Hannelore's shoulder.
"Weight-Transfer Harness. It belonged to my master though, and it's too small for me, so really it's just a regular harness."
"::weapon straps::"
"::weapon straps::"
"Correct! Man, I was starting to think you were a moron."
"::go squirrel yourself::"
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Post by Dorcas on May 28, 2015 6:24:11 GMT -8
Reserved for that one session with devargo and the cute dargon |
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Post by Dorcas on May 28, 2015 7:08:36 GMT -8
Session RecapA letter from Hannelore to Loukas the SeniorDear Mr. Loukas, I'm so happy to hear you survived the rioting! I was really worried, you know. I've been doing a lot of work for the city and stuff nowadays. I met a new team of people, and they're pretty interesting. One of them is as bald as you are! Hehe  They're the same ones that helped me take out Lamm, so they can't be that bad anyway. There's this quiet girl too, but she can talk -- and oh boy can she talk, I hired her to be my language tutor! By hired, I mean I'm actually paying her, I didn't just force her to do it against her will. Really. So just this past week, we got a job to go bring in some smugglers. Well, we were told to just take em out and bring in the money and goods, but we suggested bringing them in peacefully, and Cressida (our employer) was like: .... alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. But she's a pretty cool dude so she went along with it. We went to a warehouse where baldy and the elf tried to talk their way in while Scarf Girl and I stayed behind and snickered at them. They're hilarious. Anyway, that failed of course, and they ended up running away. But, we searched the warehouse and found a trapdoor... which of course led to the sewers. I hadn't been down there in ages, not since well, anyway And well, what do you expect? It was very sewery.  Lots of monsters, as always. Some of them reminded me of that one time when you had to save me and Iosef because we got lost down there, but I'm a lot stronger now, so I was killing things left and right. I didn't even recognize most of the things down there, but they were pretty gross. I punched them with hammer. Weirdly though, there were a bunch of bladed traps in the walls that I hadn't seen before. The elf and I were at the front because he has his shield and because I like to hit things... But I ended up kind of getting jumpy and accidentally pushing him into a few of the traps. I hope he doesn't hold it against me? I mean, he's all patched up now... Anyway, the reason they were trapped was because there was a smugglers' den down there! We did tell Cressida that we would try to bring them in alive, so I just knocked politely on the door. A really surprised looking thug answered, and I was just like, "Hi! I'm here for orientation!"  The two 'diplomats' quickly stepped in while I was busy laughing to myself, and to our complete astonishment, they convinced the smugglers to come along quietly and even to give up information about their boss. Scarf Girl and I were just completely dumbfounded as we took them back to the citadel. Get money get paid! I'm on my way to find my tutor now. She was busy, so she couldn't come to our last assignment, but it's time for more lessons! I hope she wasn't out doing anything too dangerous though. How am I supposed to keep her alive and tutoring if she keeps going out of sword range? After all, well-guarded assets are a demon's worst nightmare! I hope I get a chance to visit soon! Much love, Hanners
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Post by Dorcas on May 30, 2015 15:58:02 GMT -8
Hannelore goes to visit the grave of her masterThe sky blazed orange and purple as the sun traversed the tail end of its graceful arc into the horizon of Conqueror’s Bay. In the quiet stillness of Korvosa’s Gray Ward, a lone figure stepped softly past the tombstones of farmers, merchants, bygone and forgotten heroes with faded names, caravanners, carpenters, and smiths. The priests did not bother her. Of course, they hardly bothered anybody, but they knew her by sight even though it had been nearly a year since she had last come here. She rounded a corner into a secluded area behind a large mausoleum where underneath a large bush rested a tiny tombstone. Before, it was just a small pile of rocks, but a couple of years ago, one of the priests had taken pity on her and given her the headstone in exchange for a small donation to the church. Protruding no more than a hand’s length out of the ground, and a hand’s length in width, its tiny inscription read: Sir Kubric IV Lancaster
Grey Knight, Greycloak
Gathering the aforementioned, tattered cloak which rested on her shoulders, she sat at the foot of the grave and lifted the small hedgehog out of her pocket to let him root around in the grass. “Hey,” she said. “Long time no see, huh.” Minutes passed, but the tombstone gave no answer. “I grew up a bit more since last time,” she said, at length. “I started learning Infernal again just like you always said I should. I was finally able to swing Lyra with both hands, so I joined a guild to learn to fight with her, but I’m still not as good as you were. “I put a new silver edge on her, but her magic is still gone, and I don’t think it’s coming back… None of the other stuff we carried with us got its magic back either. And your cloak-- A lump formed in her throat. “Master, I killed a devil! I did, I really did, with Lyra! D-d-do you think the Archonhold will grant me knighthood now? I’ve finished my training, right? Right? “M-m-maybe I could even rate to wear your cloak properly and other knights would call me Greycloak…” At this, emotion seemed to overwhelm the girl, and she doubled over at the waist until her face was hidden in the grass. The hedgehog looked curiously at his owner, wondering what the fuss was all about, but in the seclusion of the bushes, no one came to disturb her. “Yeah, I know,” she sighed, finally. “Barbazus aren’t strong enough. But I need to wear your cloak anyway just in case somebody from our plane recognizes it and can tell me how to get back. I’m sorry… “I want to go home. I want to ride around the Champvert and climb the Échelle du Ciel again. This place is awful -- there are hellknights in the streets, binding devils in the city, the wizard academy summons imps and devils left and right like they do in Rela and there are no Imperial Inquisitors or Grey Knights to stop it except … except me. “I… I think I’m going to die here.” She stared at the tombstone a while longer. “I know, I know. ’What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger; the last surviving Grey Knight is a demon’s worst nightmare.’ -- That’s what you would say, huh. Guess that means me, if I’m the only one on this plane. “Haha, maybe I’ll even kill an Osyluth or a Hamatula and actually earn your cloak one day. Wouldn’t it be funny if I ended up starting my own chapter of knights here in Korvosa? No? Jeez Master Kubric, you have the sense of humor of a rock.”
Four and a half years ago when Hannelore first came to Korvosa, one of the first problems she faced was burying her dead master’s body. They had no coin, and it would have been against her training to pawn off her master’s armaments for money. However, she did not want to bury him in a mass grave, where she would never be able to find him again. So one cloudy night, she snuck his casket into the Everyman Quarter, and found a secluded spot behind a mausoleum, under a large bush, and buried him there. She marked it with a small pile of rocks, and would visit from time to time.
One day, she was finally caught at his gravesite by a couple of curious priests who saw her sneaking around. They told her they would have to remove his grave because he had not paid the Everyman fee. She pleaded with them until they allowed her to pay the fee with her own earnings -- two silver coins, which was the whole sum of money she had made during her entire stay in Korvosa. Afterwards, she did not eat for a week straight, but she was able to keep the site of her master’s grave, and later on, a kinder priest gave her a tiny tombstone to mark the grave, in exchange for a small donation to the Church of Pharasma.
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Post by Dorcas on Jun 12, 2015 11:12:47 GMT -8
Thunk.
“Ack!” Sera started briefly, looking up from a huge textbook at her solid oak door. What was that? Was that the landlord? Why did she only knock once?
She cautiously opened the door. Immediately, she regretted her decision, as she was buried under 300 pounds of woman and steel.
“H-hey! You ... Monster-woman, I can’t breathe!”
With a groan, Hannelore flopped over onto her side, and then onto her back, now fully inside the room. The harness shifted her weapons aside for her, but she banged her head into the pommel of her greatsword nonetheless.
“Ow.”
In one hand, she held what appeared to be an empty or nearly empty jug of Korvosan buckwheat liquor. Somehow, she had managed to find a jug that was actually the size of a small barrel. In the other, she clutched a burlap sack of oddly-shaped objects.
Brushing herself off, Sera quickly shut the door and bolted it, and then froze when she realized she had no idea what to do with a corpse she couldn’t lift.
P-probably cut it into pieces. And th-then…
“Ngh,” said Hannelore.
“How did you find me? Er--” Sera cleared her throat. “I--I mean, how did you know where I live!?”
Hannelore threw an arm over her face even though the room was even more dimly lit than the corridor.
“The guards were talking about a blonde lady frantically dragging a coffin around the city. There’s only one person in the entirety of Korvosa that that could have been.”
“Guh,” said Sera, hanging her head. “Hey, you can’t stay here! I only have one c-co-coff--”
“Here,” grunted the redhead, gesturing at Sera with the sack in her non-jug hand.
Sera took the sack gingerly with forefinger and thumb.
“What’s this..?” she said, standing with her arm completely outstretched as though it were holding a snake about to bite.
“Payment. For tutoring.”
“Oh,” she said, and undid the knot. Reaching into the bag, she drew out a bundle of bolts, which gleamed slightly from tip to tip in the dim light.
“Alchemized. Silvered. Silverized? Alchemmed,” said Hannelore, making a minimal effort to be understood. “Bolts. With the silverness on them. You use them to shoot ppl.”
Reaching inside again, Sera drew out a second bundle of bolts, and another sack. At this, she stared in surprise. This sack was made of a very soft velvet, dyed a rich purple, and cinched with a golden cord.
“What’s this?” she asked, all curiosity.
Hannelore looked up from the floor, where she had been cuddling her earth breaker.
“Housewarming gift. It’s tradition,” she said, and reached for a couple of the textbooks stacked on the floor. She placed them under her head like a pillow, and wrapped her arms around her earth breaker.
“Oh,” said Sera. She undid the cord, reached into the soft velvet sack, and pulled out a third bundle of alchemical silver bolts.
Confused, she turned back to look at the drunk woman, but Hannelore was already fast asleep.
---
Drip. Drip. Glug--PBBT!
Sputtering and dizzy, Hannelore shook her head to get out of the offending liquid which had woken her. Slowly, her eyes focused, and in a moment she wished they hadn’t.
Standing over her was an imposing figure in a heavy apron, face mask, and goggles. The figure appeared to be breathing heavily, as her goggles fogged up completely every few seconds.
In long black gloves of heavy leather, she gripped a pair of smith's tongs, with which she tipped a beaker of an unknown liquid into Hannelore's face.
"Gah!" Hannelore sputtered more liquid out of her mouth and backpedaled into the wall. "Sera! What is this!?"
"Eh?" The dhampir pushed the goggles up from her eyes with a gloved hand. "It's holy water. Don't Paladins drink this?"
"What-- no! Holy water isn't for drinking! And I'm not a Paladin!"
"Oh, how interesting..." Sera said, gingerly lowering the beaker into a portable fume hood and shutting the hatch. Taking a glove off one of her hands, she picked up a nearby quill and appeared to scratch down some notes on a page titled Holy water experimental trials, humanoid #4.
"Ugh my head," groaned Hannelore, rubbing her temple against the crossguard of the greatsword poking over her shoulder.
Sera immediately snapped the goggles back down over her eyes and picked up the tongs.
"You are probably dehydrated from the excessive consumption of ethyl alcohol dissolved in your beverage. Did somebody try to poison you?" She slipped the tongs around the beaker. "Do you want some more holy water?"
"No!" Seeing the open crate full of marked bottles in the corner, she stared in confusion at the masked and fully geared dhampir. "Where did you even get that much holy water!?"
"I asked Matthew. I needed them for ... for science."
(Next update: Scarf Girl)
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But he didn’t seem to know what to do so I tapped him on the shoulder so I could get in, and I hauled the kid out of the fish guts and then threw him down the entire hallway we came from. It’s okay because kids are pretty durable. Then we jumped in and killed the half orc that was also whipping the orphan kids.
. But uh.... I guess Sera didn't leave her boot knife at the gate so Sabina booted her down the stairs, and that wasn't very nice even if it was her job. We had to heal Sera afterwards and I felt kinda bad. 
They're the same ones that helped me take out Lamm, so they can't be that bad anyway. There's this quiet girl too, but she can talk -- and oh boy can she talk, I hired her to be my language tutor! By hired, I mean I'm actually paying her, I didn't just force her to do it against her will. Really. 
Lots of monsters, as always. Some of them reminded me of that one time when you had to save me and Iosef because we got lost down there, but I'm a lot stronger now, so I was killing things left and right. I didn't even recognize most of the things down there, but they were pretty gross. I punched them with hammer. 